Pain is good..

... because it makes you strong and fills your imagination with beauty…

The best creations in arts are also the extension of some painful thoughts. There would not be many magnum opus coming out of lavish living rooms and satisfied hearts! Pain takes you on the road to beauty and that is such an oxymoron. However, it is difficult to identify the difference in colours, when all you can see is black. But those who could do that definitely travel to such imaginative realms, where the reason for pain subsides and ordeal to deal with it begins.

Pain brings drama in life, the element that makes you feel special about yourself; making you your own hero. It elates your unconscious you, making you feel that you have the ability to deal with ‘it’. The imaginary picture of fighting with your own woes makes you a warrior before your sub-conscious mind, even if your conscious is feeling like a loser. This conflict of your two strong handles starts a journey that takes your thoughts on uncharted territories and you come out with ideas that you never realized existed in this very body before; and then come out excellent forms of arts, painted with bleeding hearts, decorated with broken dreams.

About life, in general…

It seems to be a long time since I actually looked upon my own life and questioned how good or bad it has gone. In last one and a half year, it has changed and it has changed so much that I wonder if Cinderella pre and post July 2010 are basically the same people. But all in all.. it has gone good, because I still begin every single day with lots of enthusiasm and I am still full of all sorts of cranky jokes to make people feel miserable yet long for me!

I have become wise. I know it’s a big statement! But that’s true. Had I been someone else, I would have admired myself for all the dimensions of myself I have grown in all this time. For this, I gift myself one entire guilt-free dose of big chocolate!

Also, I always used to live under the impression that I can never be as good as my mom is.. NEVER EVER!! But recently, my brother said a nice thing – “you have become so much like Mom”. I know the entire replacement is not possible, or if it is, might take pretty much time; but then NEVER EVER is no more there. I resemble my role-model and people who have known me in and out could visibly identify the change.

Also, I have realized ‘moving on’ is the best thing one could do to oneself. Nothing actually stays forever! And it stands for every single thing! In all this time, I have moved on from so many things and all of them looked pretty impossible to be left, but then they all became history at one moment and what followed subsequently was certainly better. Moving on for all small and big issues! They make life easy and simple. Choosing what you want to have at that point and shedding off the not-required baggage. Of course, memories and occasional backward pull-ups remain there, but no one dies because of memories. They become much easier to live with, after moving on!

I have also learnt that you cannot change yourself how hard you try. You get pissed off with your own behavior and its repercussions and then comes a strong desire to change yourself and become someone else for the time being, in the hope that the new me could not be knocked down by any one. But this is a highly short-lived phase and you come back to your true self much sooner than you even realize. So, practically it is not a good idea to make efforts to change your intrinsic nature, because it demands quite a lot of effort and energy and the results are neither that encouraging nor proportionate. Plus, it often makes you feel like a fool.

Fear of fear is more fearful. Similarly, one that never happens hurts more than what has actually happened. What happens in reality is much more manageable and easier to handle compared to all that you have imagined to happen, but thankfully has never happened. In this scenario, it’s better to wait and watch and not imagine anything at all. Jab hoga tab dekha jayega situation!

Also, being a push-over is not a very bad thing. Hrithik Roshan prides in calling himself a pushover! It protects your peace of mind and keeps you alive for better things. Let people blabber to, for, or about you.. and don’t mind. They might or might not get cool about it.. but you keep your cool, of course, for your sake only!

This much for now… obviously, the posts like these have many sequels.. so would be back with more, soon!

Random thoughts

My canteen boy has such a harmless and innocent face? Somehow, every time I look at him, a prayer comes out of my heart that he remain happy always. Why is it so? I guess, somewhere it reminds me of my brother’s face, when he was working in Delhi and had gone really weak and pale.

I know I am not the healthiest person in the world; but I find it so irritating and difficult to tolerate the freaking voice of “ooh..”, “..aah..”, people keep making in order to tell the world that they are sick! I think that’s really sick! Why don’t people feel healthy from inside? What is so glorifying in telling people about your ailments? It only shows your weaknesses! And why do you deserve any attention or favour from me for this, until and unless I am responsible for any of your bodily disorders? Go to doctor, get treated, and feel sound! Please!

It’s almost 11 months now that I am tolerating my so-called cook and her extreme lethargy towards work. She disappears for weeks, seldom cooks food that appears to be correct without any nudging from my side, is highly callous and is always lying and making false excuses. Still, she is working in my kitchen, whenever she wants. I could chuck her off any day I want and the story will end. A lot of times, I even almost did that. But almost never became absolute and I am still making tea and chapati for her, everyday. I used to wonder why my husband has not fired her in last four years! I guess, I understand it now.

Some of your habits irritate me terribly at times. The times, when I just want to believe that you do not belong to me and I am just independent of any mess that you create. But I cannot detach myself from your ecosystem like that, because it is so hard to turn off my face when I see you burning in your self-created fire. Call it love or call it concern, I want to help you and stop you from hurting yourself any more, even if you think otherwise.

She is sure that all the dreams that she is sacrificing now would rise again from their own ashes one day. She also knows that the only reason, why these dreams are getting sacrificed right now, is she herself! Why to pass the buck and why to blame anyone else? Patience is the key and right now and for pretty long in future, what all she intends to do is to remain patient!

May be you have great, weird, crowd-attracting ideas.. the fact is presently, you stand on ground zero; lacking all the focus in life and soon the people, appearing so fascinated by your charming bombast, would leave you with your pretentions. The sooner you learn to swim, the better for you! Those who last long are the ones who act!

One last thought, a gtalk status message I liked: “All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.” - Henry Ellis

Mehbooba k pyar me mar gya Peter,

Hero Honda Splendor 80km/Ltr

Agar ho bimar to dhundo chemist,

My name is Khan and I m not a terrorist

Raat k 2 baje baji ghar ki bell,

Maine Gate Khola, Chokidar bola AaL IZZ WELL...

Karna padta hai apne kharcho pe kabu,

1 chutki sindur ki kimat tum kya jano ramesh babu...

Tum bin hum kaise ji payenge,

"Ayenge, Mere Karan Arjun ayenge"

Call karne se pehle balance jachna,

"Basanti in kutto k saamne mat nachna".

Why is everyone sad?

You get up in morning, walk on footpaths, and reach wherever you want to go, watch colleagues, beggars, vendors, other commuters, or even the most exciting faces on roads – why does everyone look innately sad? As if we are just walking, on our own tunes, unattached to world to our own degrees, living to just get through the daily chores of life.

Are we supposed to be sad on a permanent basis and feel happy circumstantially, although philosophically it is supposed to be other way round. Why is ‘general’ sadness becoming a part of life? The instances of happiness and laughter are getting linked to reasons, which are getting bigger and intricate. And when none of these reasons exist, the by-default condition of sadness prevails.

The worries of career, family, marriage, kids, finances, dying dreams and interests, have become taller and heavier than the charm of ‘just’ living. In fact, when you talk to ‘worldly-sensible’ people about carefree living, they look at you with disbelief, being certain that you exist on ground zero and your philosophy is totally non-practical and un-executable. After all, all these years of struggle, cut throat competition, compromises, adjustments, exasperating expectations, what else would be left in a person.

I think problem lies with two facts – first we feel that we deserve too much; second, we become ‘used-to’ of things too soon.

We crack good jobs, feel elated and high – then after a little while, the job becomes a pain! We know we can’t leave it, so continuing remains the only option – followed by perpetual unhappiness. Similarly, we get into relationship with best buddies possible. The relationship begins because we have really liked him or her. Then we get used to of goodness and negativities, which are anyway present in every single human being, start looking more noticeable. Everyday conflicts overcome the desire to stay together and people either separate or keep fighting.

And then expectations – huge and scary! We, the prince and princess of our cosmos, find the rest of the world too less knowledgeable and wise that we are left with no other option than to preach! It comes as such a genuine need that we often could not notice that we are not the mind-masters and there’s so much left to be grasped from the ones, who appear to be a little less mortal than us.

Why always what I say, what I do and what I plan are at least slightly better than what you say, do, or plan! I am sure, we all have an answer for this question and it would be same – because I am the best, or at least better!

Whatever! But this entire tussle leaves you lonely in your dreamy world and people might not acknowledge this loneliness, but it surely hits them somewhere; or why else we all want to go high for some time and forget past, present, and future.

The general sadness of our attitudes has become such an intrinsic part of our lives that we seldom notice it most of the times. We have laptops, TVs, late night parties, online friends and so much blah blah that perhaps we do not even need to bother about this perpetual sadness, till someday we actually notice a beautiful face and find that it has all the embellishments possible, except the most essential and easiest one – smile!

Ahoy Chick! ..who pays your bills?

Saw Mere Brother Ki Dulhan, last night and did not like it much. Not even Katrina looked that distractible beautiful, as she appears to be in so many other movies, where you just watch her, being oblivious to her acting skills. She was loud and so was the movie!

A crass explanation of movie is that a guy tries finding a really cool and awesome wife for his elder bro and eventually falls in love with her for her awesomeness and vice-versa and finally the duo gets each other. Now there could be many ways to show one concept and MBKD did it really ugly. Anyway! The post is not a movie review, but for our hunt for the awesomeness that we have started seeking in girls these days!

Katrina was introduced as a rock-star, with a guitar hanging down her shoulder all the time, wearing hot pants and junk jewellery, piercing and tattoos at all possible body locations, extremely outrageous and outgoing, fearless, ready to try anything and everything new that comes her way, very flexible to her moral values that allow her to nestle around, drink, or smoke with all the guys she wants.. but yes, not sleeping around with people.. or crossing the ‘limits’, intelligent and somebody who could smartly tackle all the situations with her flashy smile and brainy head!

So, a girl like this is invariably going to attract any human being. After all, who does not get fascinated by people who are just so super cool.. not getting bothered about what the world thinks about them.. after all they are the pros, they define their fashion statements, they are the ones who make choices… who are free and liberated in true sense.. if they think smoking beedi is cool, they do that… if they think that by getting drunk they let themselves be themselves… they do that too!

And then?

Then nothing.. they come home late at night in big cars, go straight to their rooms without any staring or question-ogling eyes and fall flat on bed, just to get up next afternoon and finding that they are still getting brunch and loving smiles from the people who are supposedly family because they are sharing same house. How come world for some people go like that?

Who sponsors these fashionistas? Don’t they have to worry about their career, which definitely has to be made in a certain age-bracket or burning mid night oil to get into best possible institutions of their choice? Don’t these people have caring mothers who do not go to bed, till kids have reached home? And don’t they have to answer dads when their credit card bills have shot the roofs?

I don’t know. All such cool chicks that I have around me are too rich to bother about shaping careers or making efforts for that. They are extroverts, charming, full of attitude, very good in talking and can blah blah all day long about how life could be made fun. They have weird and bold career dreams that are full of purpose, things like starting a rock band, becoming a travelogue writer, social worker or something else. They are poor in money matters and many do not even know basic details of personal finance management. They have no rules in particular and parents are always there to support them, even if many times, instead of providing them support they should have been left alone to clear off their self-created mess.

And then you find that there are some, who are hardworking and disciplined, but relatively less charming and scarcely loud or self-obsessed. But then these are not called chicks! These are called girls and poor girls often do not get noticed. Their bosses love their work, but often forget them when counting fun elements in the team. To put straight, they just do not have the thunder of above category!

I feel sad for this slightly neglected second genre of chicks. Can’t say what they should do in order to steal the charm that rightly belongs to them, because the glitter of real chick world is really not that easy to be duplicated. And when you live in a world that works on one simple funda of ‘sell to survive’, silent efforts towards self-development do not give short-term returns.

But then thankfully, the world runs on wonderful thing called Hope.. a hope that at some point of time ‘substantial’ gets its meaning and these ‘girls’ find people who understand it. And when people say I want to be myself, they know what they really are!

'Uncool' to want a baby boy?

I am observing a surge in liking towards baby girls these days! Every where people are wanting to have a girl-child. The people I am talking about are the ones with pretty good education level and high disposable incomes. They either have or plan for one or at the max two kids. Husband and wife, both work and have sound careers. All in all, they belong to the generation that has overcome gender bias…. Or have they? What I feel is bias towards boys has now transformed into bias towards girls.

Recently my female colleagues asked an expectant mother what

does she want? Before she could reply.. answers from the rest of colleagues came as “I for sure want a girl”.

“Why?”

“Girls’ have such cute clothes and you can decorate them so well.. you can’t do any of these to baby boys!!”

Perhaps, true. But then till the baby is at least one year old the toddler wear for both genders remains almost similar. And I am sure, even boys would have some good wardrobe options, maybe we never bothered to check.

In another discussion, this time a little more grown-up gang of ladies strong

ly supported that they all ‘actually’ wanted a girl. Most of them got also, though one o

f them had a boy; so for her, ‘it’s’ the next time! Their reasons for praying for a female child were little more substantial than the girly ones – “girls are more understanding. Whenever I am quiet or sad, my daughter would come and so try to make me laugh; boys are just rowdy, even when they are small”, shared a friend.

Interestingly, all the expectant mothers I remember meeting in past one or two years have given me one same answer – “I want a girl child!”

Why??? Are baby boys so out of fashion? Haven’t they remained the coveted ones for the new-age moms or moms-to-be? And if that is the case, why is sex ratio still going down for girls?

I finally asked a friend, why it is that everyone wants a girl, I think I would like to have a boy. Her answer was that I am sounding conventional and that perhaps I am still brooding in erstwhile gender bias.

I disagree with her and think that my reasons for wanting a baby boy are far more genuine than the ones stated above.

1. I want a baby boy because it is as much fun to see him growing and playing and doing everything else as it would be to a girl child.
2. I could make him a cricketer!
3. I feel guys are socially ‘safer’ than girls and hence when he’ll grow up, I would have rather less sleepless nights.
4. He would not have to go to his in-laws house after marriage.
5. My parents and in-laws believe that there
   would be at least one male heir to the family. I might have my own reasons to agree or disagree with them, but yes having a baby boy would satisfy them too.

Ideally, I believe that every Indian family must have one boy and one girl, so that one does not have to meander to complete relations on days like rakshabandhan or bhaidooj. In fact, I myself want to have two kids – and I want both, a girl and a boy. Even if that sounds traditional or backward!

In the name of Friend-sheeps!!

So, after several years of knowing that first Sunday of August is celebrated as Friendship Day, this year, I finally wished my friends, sent sms and actually remembered the time we spent. I don't know if that sounds like an advancement of networking or depletion of my sentiments, but I felt like using this day to thank a few people, who although always remain there in my thoughts and memories, but I somehow, just do not get enough time to call them up and ask, whats up???

I think there are two types of people in the world. One, who just love their family... all their strengths and source of courage lies within their family; if their family is there, they would virtually not need anything more. Two, people, who love their family quite a lot, but depend on friends; this type of people remain hungry and senti for friends all their life; they get good friends and bad friends, and even though, they too love their family really really hard, they still feel that they can do anything in life, if they have their right set of friends surrounding them. Type one cannot understand type two's psyche and so is vice versa.

I fall in type 2.

I could say, I was born with this special ability to create friendships. Due to childhood amnesia, I couldn't recall, but I would have made friends with other infants, taken birth close to my timings. None of my parents are extrovert in nature and so is my brother. In fact, everyone in my family takes a lot of time to get open with anyone. So, when they found me, coming with a new best friend, everyweek, they did not understand me. Even to this day, I hardly find people who could understand how I could have a dozen best, three-four dozen close, and over ten dozen good friends.

I can say, I do friendship based on my instincts. There are certain things, none of my friends would ever have. I hate lies, false attitude, foul language and manipulation; and hence any one having any of these raw qualities never comes close to me beyond a certain point. In fact, sometimes the intensity of my repulsion towards certain people wonders me also.

Other than these, the band of tolerance is really wide and hence a lot of people qualify to get in. Once I feel that the person is valid to get into that band, a relationship starts. The span of relationship definitely depends on a lot other things, but yes it "clicks". Now, depending upon trust, mutual willingness, and most importantly my feeling out of the whole thing, the "clickable acquaintance" might grow to be my good, close, or best friend!

Whenever I see someone saying that he or she has got 2/3 friends, I wonder! What did they do with the rest of the people they met? Since, among all the people I ever met in my life, most were worth making friends!

Today, life has become too occupied and I do not feel energetic as earlier, so I am not in touch with most of these friends. But they still are there and that's a comforting thought. May be some would have forgotten me, but there are still many friends, who would just come out of the blue, to cheer me up, when I would really really need them.

And to all those buddies - "Happy Friendship Day".

Traffic woes...

I am somebody who keeps huge hopes with mornings. Even if the previous day or the night has been disaster, I still believe that every morning comes with an option of starting your day and in some instances the rest of your life, afresh! And hence, I try to welcome it in my most cheerful mood. But, then not necessarily the world around you feels the same. For other people, mornings have other meanings! And many of them, do not find them so encouraging! The cool of these holy hours does not get into the heads of several folks.

So, like always, today also I greeted the day with same enthu, got up the same way, gave a few glances outside my balcony, prepared tiffin boxes and breakfast, hurriedly got ready for the office and left my house. Now the city in which I live has many good things, but there are not much traffic considerations for pedestrians. There are no sidewalks or footpaths or over-bridges to go from one side of the road to other. Though, there are zebra crossings on a few roads, but then obviously, you need some civic sense to understand that zebra crossings are more than a piece of art on road.

Now, walking is not a sin but people on wheels do not realise this. More are your number of wheels, more is your dad's authority on road, that is how it works. Most of the times, I have to wait for more than 10 minutes, before I could find a reasonable vehicle less patch to cross 4-5 m of road and make a step forward. And even if someone (esp. four wheelers) finds you crossing the road, instead of slowing down, he would speed up their vehicle and also throw off their headlight on your face, making it clear that you dare crossing the road before they leave and you would be under their car!! Hopeless!! Traffic in every city is bad... drivers are always ruthless... and everyone walking on road has always a high chance to get hit.. but what is worse in this city is apathy from the administration and sometimes people also. Anyway!

And why am I writing this today has no specific reason, except that a motorcycle guy just came behind me and lost his balance, falling on me and hitting my back terribly. He was driving on the wrong side and there was a little water logging on the side of the road, which he did not realise and hence fell the moment he stepped on that soggy platform. The motorcycle handle hit my lower back.

More terribly, the guy did not have even an iota of guilt for what he had just done! I looked at him wanting to know what is happening... and he gave me a "get out of my way" look. Although, he looked a little scared also thinking that I might start collecting people and then he would be in problem.. so perhaps, he tried to intimidate me with his look. However, he knew that he was on the wrong side and would surely get caught for that.. so obviously did not want to continue this for longer.

I do not know what should I have done? For some milliseconds, I thought that I should immediately slap this guy or at least hit him.. but since I have never slapped anyone, my hand dint act. I thought of collecting people and shouting for help.. but then I was getting late for the office, and did not want to spoil my day and waste my energy, even more. More than his act of hitting me, I was angry for the way he reacted... No expression of apology!!! Okay, we all break traffic rules.. we also sometimes, lightly hit people... but then, what was that guy thinking that at time, while staring at me. I never come on road thinking that someone else will ever do anything for me. My protection is solely my responsibility! But then what the hell, you think when you come on road? Somewhere on some other road, your mother , sister, wife, or daughter would be doing the same thing!

A feeling of disbelief and sadness plunged in, for how fast people are turning apathetic and in-genuine. I also want to be the first one in everything I do, but then can I ever become so emotionless that I would shamelessly drag people behind and would never feel sorry about that?

I don't know.. but I never want to be!