Thursday, November 19, 2009

I feel so stuck at times.. I am surely not doing the thing, I wanted myself to do; and the worst part is, I do not have a Plan B. It sounds weird that words like recession, job-cuts, lay offs etc that have engaged media and corporate lounges for many months have a terrible impact on us also. Somewhere, we assume that we are common men and things that are given so much hype can not reach us. Common men are destined to see more of low profile, nothing special kind of experiences.

Sadly, this is not so. I have seen seniors going empty handed after the end of their session and I am seeing the attitude of companies this year, as well. May be clouds are clearing but the sunshine has yet reached the premier institutions only. Its kind of saddening, when you see people treating you like nobody, just because they have enough number of people to select from. I think there is a minimum level of decency in terms of behaviour that is expected for and from every human being, out there; irrespective of the fact that one's decision might change the life of the other. After all, we are humans and not coffee machines.

There are people, who joined MBA for better jobs or a platform.. but there are a few those also, who joined this course, precisely for learning. Because they wanted something more from management education than just the job-security. I count myself in the latter category. Not for a single day, I thought that I am going to take up a corporate job; in a huge multinational, sit in a designer cabin in a sparkling office, wear the latest brands; and above all, feel proud of reaching the place others look at with awe.

I wanted something different in life, when I took this decision. I wanted to expand my horizons, enhance my belief that I am more educated now to handle much bigger things in life, become more confident and add more value to my life. And I betray myself, when in interviews I say things like I have always been very passionate about marketing. No, I am not, neither I have ever been. I am passionate about something else.

I am passionate about changing the perception of people towards education. I am passionate about travelling. I want to see the world. Want to know the people there. I am passionate about working for children, helping them create a future for themselves. I want to discover what this crazy world is all about. I am passionate about writing for those, who have still not discovered their voice. I want to live a life, where the work I do, is the one, I want to do, where I do not have to explain myself that okay, that is how life goes.. there are responsibilities to be taken care of.. we have to pay prices.. blah blah.

I hate when I do not have something substantial to do. I hate when my energy does not get a worthy channel to flow. I hate it when I do not have anything to look forward to. Because, I have not seen myself doing things that others do... which take them no where. I do not dream of living in plush houses with all luxuries. I am ready to pay this price to live my dreams.

But then what is the problem? Why am I getting converted into another bunch of people wearing black business suits before any corporate visits their campus.? Just another face in crowd.

I am not sure to what extent I am responsible for this and to what extent is the environment. But, there is one thing I am sure.. this is not the education, what I wanted for myself. I may not be an exceptional student, but I am not an idiot also. I can feel that my self-belief and will power is going down. There is certainly something wrong with the system, and I can't see myself becoming just another victim of it.