A former colleague will die today at 8:30 pm. He has been declared brain dead today after a week; he met with a motorcycle accident in midnight. The pillion rider, and another colleague, survived with a minor wrist injury. At 8:30 pm, an operation will be conducted to donate his vital organs and then the ventilator will be taken off. With it, a life, a young guy of about 25 will also vanish away from this world.
He was a nice person, but I never really gave him a lot of attention. His facebook updates used to tell me more about him than he himself in person. He was a teluguite, not being comfortable in Hindi or English. I could so vividly recall his ecstatic smile on buying a Mac PC, or so much of food he would hog during team lunches in that lean and tall body.
And more I am thinking about this, I feel so angry! For not being able to control death! What is this life anyway? People come and they can leave, just like that? How to live in a world, knowing that it can so unceremoniously end your chapter any time it wants. And you can’t reason it. Nothing can! Why is there so much pain every where?
Death may or may not change anything to the person who has died; it only creates havoc to the ones left behind. As I am growing older, I am afraid I might stop trusting God at all. It feels so hapless to entrust Somebody, who is wretchedly capricious and wants you to accept your hardships as the result of your own anonymous misdeeds conducted in lives ago.
Ironical it is, He wants us to be thankful to Him for the pleasures of life and silently endure the adversities believing that we ourselves created them. He is omnipresent and wants us to believe that he is there, but he finds it difficult to show himself, again due to our own ignorance that makes us blind for his existence. He wants us to reject illusions in life, while He wants to continue living with us as an illusion. At this point of time and with this thought – I found God to be the most selfish and unreasonable entity I have ever come across.
If God is capable of doing anything, why can’t he come right here in front of me and prove his existence? Sounds childish? Of course, because we are told that it is sacred to keep hunting for him! After all, the oldest business in the world – the religion has to go on. And for this reason, we are groomed to consider ourselves not pure enough to ‘see’ God. We are only encouraged to ‘feel’ him, because feelings are ambiguous. You command them. You can easily misunderstand them. We are made to live in a constant guilt that it is our infelicity that we cannot feel him. We need to have more faith, trust and belief. And why? So that we can thrust the concept of God on our Souls and tell ourselves that our each breath is his blessing and hence we are in under a constant obligation to live life, His way!