Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Dragging in the dark dungeons!!

I heard a very interesting statement today! "I have stopped remembering things that have happened in my past", and it had set me into a thinking mode because the person making that statement is closely associated to me and we two do not share a warm relationship.

My first reaction to statements like these are - "okay! so??", because practically I have no role to play in what people wish to remember about their lives. Secondly, I also do not have any role to play in what kind of pasts they have created for themselves. The only role I have is to live a good present myself; and take 100 per cent responsibility of that. Depressive statements like these often leave a trail of negativity behind. You are left feeling sorry for the person making them, because even if the purpose of such statements is to prove that he or she has moved on, the truth is they have not.

The one feeling that sucks out most power off us is of Victim-hood - that things were done to us, even when we did nothing to deserve them. This single feeling is one complete bunch of irony and oxymoron. We incessantly blame people, circumstances, destiny, karma, God, and every thing else in this world for our wounds. When our ailments are out of our control, of course, there isn't a chance of getting better.

Why is complaining so pleasurable? I think the second most pleasurable act after making love is complaining! Everybody does that and want to keep doing that and for everything. As we grow older, we complain more and more.

Why do we never stop once and ask ourselves.. Am I a vegetable? Even a dog puts up a fight when one tries to hurt him, how can I submissively accept my destiny without really challenging it? Why is other people are responsible for what is happening to me? Why do I not have things that I have wanted in life?

Or may be a simple question - What am I doing today that could earn me a better tomorrow! We just keep lurking over our past, sulking over the self-assessed evaluation of our lives and blame others.

Trust me, the moment we take responsibility of our lives and really believe that whatever that has happened to me has been directly or indirectly created by me, a lot of our lives' troubles get resolved instantly. When we can see the enemy clearly, we can attack them better.

No one forgets bad memories. When a heart is broken, it is broken. You can repair it and work with the repaired one, but you cannot deny the fact that it was broken. Then, why to pretend that you do not remember it? Remember the reasons that caused the break, take your learning.. and apply them in future, this is the only positive way to deal with it. Rest everything only drags us to negativity. And can we completely reject the fact that we absolutely had nothing to do with that wreck?

Of course not. Let's be honest!

Then why the pretension of strength, forgiveness, and moving on, when your soul is burning with the vengeance? This hidden revenge will only burn you, this fire has no existence outside your mind. I am not suggesting to 'forgive and forget!' I dislike this phrase infact, it unnecessary elevates your ego, giving you the power to judge, which itself is a double sword. In order to forgive someone, you first have to prove them guilty, at least in your head; then like an angel you have to forgive them of their misdoings. WOW!! Double pleasures! First, getting convinced that the other person is a real crook. Second, considering yourself important enough to rid them off their sins. Only Gods must do that and we are not the One.

Sometime back, I was asked to undergo forgiving sessions in order to clear my heart chakra. In my act of forgiving, I would recall people who have made me feel bad and slowly tell myself that they are also souls with their stipulated worksheets, which also includes hurting people in order to bring them learnings. Then I was asked to 'forgive' them, which was a difficult part. Every time I whisper I forgive you, I would feel myself elated to another level of self-importance and ego. The whole exercise in fact made me uneasy. After this I decided, by forgiving, we do not literally mean forgiving, its more about 'not holding on with this animosity anymore'. The clarity brought me relief. After all, no one just jumped into my life and gave me a heart-break, there were things I did as well; and I will be biased in evaluating who has been the bigger culprit. What would change, even if I am convinced that I did lesser than what I have suffered? In this lifetime, no God is going to come down and make me the crowning Princess of silent sufferings.

Saying this, I will also maintain that perhaps these people would not make to my closest list of buddies, but they are also not silently cursed every day. May be, we were not supposed to be good to each other. May be! I decided to give them the benefit of doubt, and we are even now.

So, when I found another soul today burning itself down in a fire that would never bring any harm to the reasons of her sorrow, I felt sorry for her. But sadly, the paths to inner world have to be self-illuminated. I pray we all get to see the light of the day!