Tuesday, May 06, 2014

The Desirables!

Why are some people so desirable?? Ever wondered why some people get surrounded by a large crowd in minutes, while the others have to work hard to earn some attention; and mind it, here, we are not talking about physically appealing personality, because not all good looking human beings are desired - we are talking about something deeper.

Desire is a seductively fancy word and invokes a passionate feeling of possession. Think about what you really desire, and you would feel an intense emotion of wanting to have that thing right away - that's the power of desire. More intense it is, more desirable the stuff is for you. Sometimes the desires can get so intense that people get desperate to achieve it, but desperation is a negative emotion. It sets you in a wrong action mode, which often provokes a person to take some unwanted measures to fulfill his or her desire.

On the other note, I find desire to be a very beautiful word. Desires give you a sense of purpose - the small ones, the big ones, the great ones, the ultimate ones. A lot of them make life really beautiful and worth giving a shot. Desire to love and be loved, desire to see your loved ones spending happy and fulfilling lives, desire to see the world, desire to own great number of books, desire to make a difference in people's life, desire to open a business of my own, desire to own a beautiful home with a lavish kitchen, desire to find a purpose that has wider outreach than just satisfying my own ego, et al.

The deeper desires of life are usually ongoing processes. They never really end at any point, like the desire of buying a car or the desire of visiting a particular place. They just go on with life and soon they become the objective of our life. At these times, you unconsciously grab (or steal) the moments from life which can help you accomplish those desires. Slowly, you become a master thief in stealing 'moments' and this is where the real fun begins. But in order to reach this point in life, you have to have some really really strong desires, which of course, should be positive ones. I mean, you cannot desire to own someone's wife as yours, because a desire like this will always invoke the feeling of jealousy, possessiveness and loss, which could never ever uplift you. I am not trying to be judgmental, but only constructive and positive desires can bring in constructive and positive results in life.

Often people get caught in the trap of negative desires, and sadly they hardly realize this. Desires like proving supremacy or superiority, winning the comparisons, defeating others, too many materialists requirements, being too individualists or unrealistic, generally bring in more unhappiness than anything else. There are loads of girls out there, who have wonderful figures and absolutely awe-inspiring attires and dressing sense and yet they are not happy with themselves. They live in a continuous pressure of looking better, even though they anyway look several times more beautiful than many other females around them. The stress is not because they desire to be beautiful, the stress germinates from their desire to get acknowledged and approved by other people. They are not comfortable in their own skin and constantly try to replicate their style icons. Such desires are hollow, you can accomplish them but they wont leave you feeling enriched and fulfilled. They will draw your energies and leave you perturbed.

Our desires reflect our personality. There are people who desire to arrange two meals a day, and there are people who desire to open five-star hotels. One can easily gauge how much they are going to expect from themselves. The former person, who is satisfied with his two meals a day might not even try to find out if he has the potential of opening a restaurant. This is precisely why we must desire for bigger things in life. Not exactly of opening hotels or owning limousines, but knowing that we have potential of doing bigger things than only having our ends meet.

The Law of Attraction practitioners claim that the desires that are deeply felt have quicker and greater chances to get materialized, because they create genuine and intense feelings, which effortlessly raises our vibration. But the trouble is most people do not understand what their real desire is. Outwardly they might think that they want loads of money, but inwardly they might be in need of love. In this case, the person would spend a lot of his time in acquiring money and might even acquire it as well, but would still remain unhappy and disappointed, because his inner self is yet unsatisfied.

It is important to find your heart's true desire. Self-help practitioners come up with myriad of ways to do that, however, the easiest is - to write down three things that your heart most wants and why!

This small exercise of penning down three things will help you in setting the priority of most important desires and 'why' will tell you whether you will be happy once the desire is accomplished. Your biggest desire might be owning a grand and beautiful house, but when you will dig deep into it, you will realize that basically the desire is to have a decent house with enough space for everyone to live happily. Imagine how simple and easy, the entire exercise makes your goals.

Sharing my own example, I always used to think that I want to be a renowned professional woman. The thought of leaving jobs and sitting at home would fill me with displeasure and depression, as if everything that I have done in life so far has gone in vain. But when I started listing down things that really give me pleasure in life, I was surprised to find that 'job' came absolutely nowhere! Really. If someone else had made that sort of interpretation of my desires, I would have out rightly rejected their observation, but it was me writing this and there was no reason to reject. When I looked more into it, I realized that it is basically not the 'job' in a job that I was seeking, it is a combination of two different feelings that kept me hooked with this desire. First, the feeling of appreciation and acknowledgment - you do some work and you do it well, people appreciate you, you become part of someone's success, they look for your advice and help, and you realize that you are 'something' - the acceptance of your personality and intellect. Second, you realize you have a tool for change - you work in an ecosystem, you influence it with your thoughts and ideas, alter it a bit to suit your presence, earn resources that provide you power to take decisions, increase your capacity to change things - an independence to exercise your thoughts and ideas.

Now, if these two feelings are satisfied outside a 'job', I might never feel the need of joining a 'job'. So, my real desire is not to find a good job, it is to find a task and an environment that can satisfy these two feelings - outside or inside a job. Then why waste my time in looking or switching jobs, I might not be entirely happy with the job also, if these two fundamental desires are still unmet. After this analysis, I created a different plan of action, focused on creating opportunities based on my fundamental desires and skill set. I have good communication skills that can fetch me enough money to keep my necessary chores running, the remaining time I can utilize to create something (a product or a service) that has the potential to influence the life of its consumers. I am working on this plan of action and trust me, this is far more satisfying that any job. Not that amount of time spent on this is any less than a job, but because of high level of work-satisfaction.

Another crucial thing I discovered about myself - my desire to eat loads of chocolate biscuits. I had developed this strange urge for chocolate biscuits, where in I would eat packets of them! Every time I would see a packet of these biscuits, I would buy them with robotic mindset and immediately tear the wrap and eat them all!! I ate so many of them that my weight increased in all visible senses. I knew this was not right, but I found this urge uncontrollable. The thought of those biscuits would dry my throat and water my mouth, I would walk towards kitchen thinking to eat just one or max two of them, but end up eating all. There used to be huge levels of guilt, disapproval and helplessness - becoming a chocolate biscuit addict was not even the last thing in my list. Now when I unveil that misery piece by piece, I realize that I had made those biscuits a symbol of my esteem and independence. The pleasure of melting chocolates in my mouth became a reinforcement of the fact that I deserve pleasures in life. I used to hide them at different places so that no one gets to know how many packets have been bought and how many of them have already been finished. Eating them insanely gave me a sense of authority without being answerable; as if I was telling myself that I deserve good things in life and if they wont come to me naturally, I will go and grab them and I would not give any justifications about them! I know I sound like a psycho, but phases come in life where we get controlled by our unconscious and suppressive desires that come out in distorted and ugly fashion. This is also one reason we must never let our true desires stay suppressed for long, else they come out like an uncontrolled flood ruining more than they originally had the potential to do. Nor that I had suppressed the desire of eating chocolate biscuits in life, but I did have suppressed certain desires that directly affected my self-esteem. I distanced myself from my rights to such an extent that they did not appear to belong to me anymore. When I sorted out real stuff in life, the allied addiction automatically disappeared. I don't even buy biscuits anymore! Things our mind can do!!

Our desires are also very much linked to our needs in life. Abraham Maslow created a hierarchy of needs in human beings, claiming that our foremost needs in life are Psychological (eg. food, water, shelter, sleep, etc.); Safety (like stability, freedom, protection, order, etc.); Social (eg. affection, love, family, friends, etc.); Esteem (eg. achievement, independence, mastery, status, prestige, respect, etc.); Self-actualization (eg. spiritualism, personal growth, self-fulfillment, etc.). What we desire depends on how many of our lower needs have been fulfilled. Though, with motivation and external influence people might skip this hierarchy, but in general the route is followed in order. Someone not having enough to eat might not be very motivated to dream about designer clothes. What you desire might not be what you need as well. But you desire only what you do not have in life.

Coming back to the point we had started - why some people become very desirable! People love them, admire them, remember them, while many others stay lost in oblivion. A theory states that our needs, wants, and desires reflect through our thoughts, words and actions stronger than we assume. People always looking for opportunities to prove their supremacy emit the vibrations of resistance and disapproval and these are felt to those coming to their vicinity. Such people repel positive people and attract the ones also emit similar frequencies. That explains why some people always get undesired and troublesome people on way, while many others will go untroubled. The explanation is that they desire to prove themselves more right than others and to prove their dominion, they have to get into a scuffle. In fact, one way to check the kind of vibrations we emit is observing our own surroundings.

If you see happy, jolly, clean, optimistic, and simple people around you, if your conversations are usually constructive, future oriented, carry love, warmth and gentle feelings, full of gratitude and appreciation, then you are surely emitting positive feelings that are attracting right type of people for you.

On the contrary, if you complain a lot, generally stay dissatisfied, are skeptical about love and emotions, often meet irritating and unreasonable people, get into too much of arguments or fights, face monetary loses every now and then, or feel sick or unwell repeatedly then you are in a wrong frequency zone. You have wrapped yourself with negative thoughts and beliefs that are stopping good things from coming to you. You need to check what is it that you strongly feel about. Are there any feelings of revenge, anger, etc.; do you love your surroundings and feel upbeat about decorating them; do you feel the poise to stand a while and get mindful about the natural beauty? If not, immediately get into self-evaluation mode.

The Secret says saying "Thank You" seven times continuously, instantly disconnects you with the present negative thought. It works, I have tried this. This technique specially work on those days, when you just feel blue without any explicit reason. You just feel it. In those days, reciting Thank You and counting your blessings helps a lot. Also, try to sleep early on those days and strictly stay away from Facebook, Internet, and if possible your cell-phones. These things only make you feel more miserable. In fact, if asked I would suggest, no person wanting to explore the path of self-discovery must waste his or her time on social media. Harnessing it for business purposes or keeping in touch with long lost friends can be a different thing, but unnecessarily checking it every now and then and watching updates and images of everybody and anybody is only about killing time, which again slips you into negativity.

Positive desires have the power of changing lives and worlds - there are enough examples of that already. The important thing is to desire right stuff, the stuff that your soul really wants so that the manifestation of that desire sets the path of happiness and contentment in your life, rather than putting you in a never ending race of materialistic achievement. The force of want can bring anything in front of your eyes, you just have to be true to yourself, otherwise you will be sitting in a wonderful car with a strong engine, but with someone else's hands on the steering.