Tuesday, December 06, 2016

Mommy talks

Sometimes its hard to believe that my daughter is just five years old! She comes out as a complete person in herself, totally like a grown-up. I have to consciously tell myself multiple times a day that the one saying such sometimes wise sometimes nasty and sometimes razor-sharp stuff is no 80-year old granny but a girl who came into my life only five years back.

Just as all the children are same, all of them are different. All children are cute, innocent, naughty, observant, and little monkeys in their own ways. Yet, they all have a personality - something that differentiates them from the rest - and something that very subtly flows from their usual and mundane childishness. My child is far more strong-willed than almost any other child that I see in my vicinity. And this is not a mother talking, this is a highly observant female talking who is constantly looking for ways to make her daughter abide by some largely popular habits. Even at a little age of three and a half, she refused to do things that she was not convinced of. You scream at her, scare her, or even raise a hand or two - but the no cannot be converted into a wishful yes. On one hand, it made me a bit screamy, on the other, it gave me a good sense that the one I am dealing with is not a baby, but a person.

Child psychologists say strong willed children make determined adults who do not blindly follow others. The thought comforts you, as you try to strike a conversation (borderline argument) with your child every day for petty things whereas the mother next day gets her wish done with little cajoling and cooing. It is definitely exhausting and irritating, but like all other challenges, it gets easier as you get used to it. But more than exhaustion it leaves me extremely conscious of my ways of bringing her up; especially, of the things that I say. I try to be as logical and as cooperative as possible. Love is definitely the only way out.. and so is resilience and forgiveness - to yourself.

Every night when I assess my performance of the day, I feel a bit guilty of how I could have avoided that small piece of bull-headedness, but also appreciate my own transformation. It would be unfair to admit that I am quite a mad mom in many ways. There are fits of insanity that ride me over, especially in mornings, when the time is running away and she would take hours and hours for the smallest of the things. 

I also appreciate my awareness of choosing love over anxiety or anger - of how I am becoming 'easy' by learning to let go of things - of how I am becoming increasingly aware of my own conduct. But, most importantly, it is continuously motivating me to create and collect as many happy memories for both of us as I can to compensate for all the chiding that has gone and will go into the making of a remarkable young lady. For every time I rebuked her, I am going to give her hundred times more giggles, kisses, and hugs for her to remember, forever.